I just need some time.  When I feel secure in myself and the environment around me, I hope to find peace.  But this will take some time.  Never in my life have there been sudden life-altering changes that drastically moved my life in a completely new direction.  This is something to be grateful for as life is generally stable and good if I haven't had any such changes in my life.  What will I do with the extra time?  I can work on building my identity and confidence to reach out for some goals or dreams I have always wanted to achieve.  These include travelling to Hong Kong, England, or South Korea.  These are not very major goals though, as travel is only satisfying for the time I am going through an itinerary.  Once I come back home, I quickly forget all that I experienced and resume living my days according to how I have always lived them.

But even travel is a luxury I don't really have the desire to reach and achieve.  What I really want is to be happy and satisfied with my life.  Working on this is a full-time job for me and when I have reached it, I will know I am completely ready to go back to employment for a company I can love and enjoy.  Perhaps I don't really need much from life at all.  Maybe I am not even worthy of achieving more than the person next to me, as who am I to enjoy more from life when I have never earned the right to live according to greater achievements and people who have achieved much.  I have never tried or put my life on the line to be as diligent as possible and this is a serious personality defect on my part.

I need to become more emotionally stable so I can seek out other aspects of a sociable life.  My life is so focused on when I need to do to become a better person and there is hardly any time that I truly am able to enjoy my life.  So much of it is spent on regrets and reminiscences of long ago days that I don't ever seem to be moving forward.  If I could just remember exactly what started me on my melancholy and apathy, maybe I can find the answer to solving my current problem of woes and laments. 

This is getting rather sad and pathetic.  I don't mean to say life is bad for me as I have everything that I need, such as a bed to sleep, a place to shower, food to eat, and a small amount of money to buy cigarettes or sodas.  I should be happy.  Even if I have never earned my place in society as an independent and functioning member without relying on other people's money, I still have at least learned to be grateful and stay as positive as I can regarding my waking hours. 

So what I have to do now is to create a life for myself with the guidance of God to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel.  This tunnel that my life is seems very dark and dreary sometimes, but if I can stay positive and keep striving to make it to my goals, I should be able to do okay. 

It is hard to stay focused on the present day when I have so many worries over my head concerning how I am going to be able to make it on my own.  Someday I will no longer have these worries, I am sure, but I have to move on.  I can't waste any more time.  I have to reach down deep inside myself and pull out all the drudgery that keeps me down emotionally and spiritually.  Someday I will look back on today and I will know I never should have worried as I had. 

Things will look up for me eventually.  I know I can count on that.  That's my faith and more than ever today, it is all I have with me left. 

Peace out and god speed to everyone.

I think I need a cigarette now.

Today has been a day of looking for work, and I have to say I don't really mind searching for minimum wage entry level work as a courtesy clerk for a supermarket or an office supplies store.  Which sounds pretty lame after rereading what I just wrote.  Yet, I don't have the confidence to search for a job closer to the degrees which I graduated with in a possibly better future and upward moving career so I can support myself and eventually have a renewed social life.  But none of those are going to be happening for me for a while.

I'm not unhappy however.  I feel pretty good to be finally free of the residential board and care for the mentally disabled and I really do mean I am getting happier.  Although explaining I've lived in a minimally supervised institution for over two years is hardly the conversation starter I want to start with when meeting new people, or even old friends.  It sounds pretty lame to explain what I had been doing for the past two years and I do get sort of melancholy over losing my job, home, and friends.  Not that my friends have been rejecting me for living with a mental disability, but since I've been out of the loop, they've all moved on in their careers, families, and socialization.  I've been staying in a rut trying to convince the Long Beach Superior Court that I am fit to finally move back home and restart a new life with a new career, or entry level job, away from the supervision of counselors and staff at the residential board and care environment.  And I was successful in convincing the judge two months ago.

Lucky me.

So now I do have a sort of a renewed perspective on life without having to worry about semi-annual court hearings and I can actually move out of the state or to another county if I have the means to do so, without having to go back to the Long Beach Superior Court for my progress reports.  This means I don't even have to take time off from work to go to the Commisioner for progress reports, although I still do have regular check-ups with a psychiatrist, case manager, and a therapist.  In my opinion though, seeing all three individuals for check-ups seems overkill for the mental disability I'm recovering from, and from some of the other residents when I was living at the board and care, they need more help than I am getting.  So there are definitely people much worse off than myself, mental healthwise.  Luckily, I am getting all the help I need to get of with life. 

The thing is though, no one else understands what I went through while living those 2+ years in the board and care, meaning the depression, low productivity, hopelessness, addictions, and other negative factors that goes into living at a residence where everyone is complaining about their lack of mobility in life and disappointments in having to be ordered by the court to live in the board and care in the first place.  And if my best wishes mean anything, I hope no one else I know or whoever reads this blog will never have to experience living in a residence designed for the mentally ill. 

"Mentally ill."  I was taught while staying at the board and care that I'm not supposed to call myself "mentally ill," rather I am supposed to say, I have a "mental health disability."  I don't know if that sounds any better, but if it sounds more positive for the prospective store manager of a retail outlet who might hire me as a courtesy clerk, I guess I'll say anything. 

When I was on a credit card shopping spree several years ago, done in part because of my addictions related to my mental health disability, I went bankrupt and was also fined for several other debts that weren't covered by the bankruptcy hearing, namely student loans.  Through a stroke of luck, I was awarded the full repayment of my student loans through a means I am not fully giddy about, as it relates to a sick member of my family, I am now free of all debts and bills.  So all my undergraduate and graduate studies have all been paid off.  That and having my diversion case dismissed at the Long Beach Superior Court has basically offered me no ties to anyone financially, criminally, mentally, or spiritually.  I'm free of everyone, including God himself!

That can't be allowed though.  I must create responsibilities to myself, family, friends, and God if I am to regain a sense of independence and even confidence to find work and live with duties.  Because if I truly have no responsibilities to anyone or anything, I might as well grab my backpack and suitcase and start huffing it across the country like a Jack Kerouac novel. 

I'm not that far gone yet.  Not well off, but I'm trying.  As Noel Gallagher said, "God wants a tryer, not a tire."  I don't know what the fuck that means, or if I am reinterpreting it accurately, but I'm not a tire.

So I gotta try.

I want to start a new life without any changes to my surroundings in the physical environment around me or any alterations within my physical body.  The new life I want to start is within my mind or my soul, and to find out if these things actually exist for me to be able to manipulate and alter without losing a sense of where I am supposed to be and what my responsibilities are.  Because... I am responsible for a lot of things that I have messed up on and have ruined the days of my fellow residents in this city of Los Angeles as well as friends who live either in the city or away from it due to changes they have successfully made in their lives.  And I am now tired of making excuses for myself and I now want to take charge in freeing myself of the restraints I have created on my spiritual life (or mental) and start living so I can make reparations to the people I have hurt emotionally and even physically.  I am not a bad person, but I have made many bad decisions during the past several years. 

I am now paying for those deeds as I had to be interred away from home without a job, career, savings, or friends.  Although I did make plenty of new friends at the facility (or institution) I was voluntarily held at for two years straight.   I now want to start advancing towards making myself a useful part of society in any part of society I can push myself into forcefully...  because no one is going to help me make decisions I should be doing on my own such as removing myself from abuses of substances and even illegally obtained substances.  I need to know that I am moving forward to gaining happiness in my life that is completely free of the past addictions and habits I kept to myself, quiet and secretly.

It seems though, that I will have to make physical changes in my environment and living conditions as the spiritual or mental awakening I am searching for probably does depend on me making moves around the city trapped within my physical body.  For it does not seem possible for my mental being to be able to make changes on its own without the burdens of physical life imposing upon it.  What I am trying to say is that the mental depends on having physical changes in the surrounding environment in order to effect changes in my thinking processes, behavior, and habits.  My demeanor must change and I can only do that through carefully carried out plans in integrating myself back within a lifestyle that is characteristically seen as a "good" life.  A life where others can judge it and deem it to be fitting and successful.

But maybe "successful" is a bit much for me to hope for.  I can only expect to fall back into the middle of the road of this society without the burdens of living under oppression from bad choices I have previously made in my life, which are mostly mental and spiritual oppressions.  I need to live without burdens in the lower end of the spectrum as well as the high end, even if it is possible for me to make it on a successfully high profile life.  I don't want either of those.

I just want to be happy being me and being once again proud of being me, which has unfortunately not been the case for a very long time. 

I will make it though.  Not highly successful, but very pedestrian and out of the notice of as many people as possible.  I don't mind being judged, but I definitely do not want to be despised. 

I don't think that is too much to hope or ask for.  Ask who?  I don't know.  But maybe  I will soon find out.  And I will be much more happier for it and its grace. 

Am I going to give a shout out to the future again on today's post? 

I suppose so.  Someone in the distant time travelling future...  please write back with some news about how I've made it?  Made what?  Anything.  Have I made anything of myself and my life?

I'm kind of loopy today.  I finally moved back in to my parents' home again this morning.  I am happy and relieved.  But my insides are really gnawing at me for some reason.  Maybe it's the Korean food I just ate for lunch.

I'm so not Korean.  Or even Korean-American.  Some reason, I feel closer to Mexican illegal residents in El Paso, Texas or something, who grew up in the United States since childhood, but are still under pressure of being deported if caught.  No country for those unfortunates in the United States or Mexico.  That's me.  I'm a Mexican immigrant who has no true country or identity.  Maybe my parents should have stayed in South Korea.

haha.  Ahahahahaha!

Thanks be to heaven, I have been freed from the board and care for the rest of this week!  I've been allowed back to my parent's home until the end of Thanksgiving weekend holidays so I can spend those days without any interactions with other mental health patients or residents as well as the accompanying staff.  In considering this further however, I do feel a bit wary about sleeping in my parents' home for the rest of the week instead of independently staying at my board and care without the stigma of living with my parents after the age of 30 years old.  And I will be 33 years old by the time it is January 2012 next year. 

What I need to do I suppose is to develop a plan of action to restart a working career in any field of occupation I have the aptitude and background of fitting so I can fully set out on my own, albeit it will probably be a single apartment without a car and Internet connection.  That does not bother me so much since I've been living without transportation, home Internet access, and with roomates for the past two years at the board and care.  It is a very precise thing to be sure of my own wellbeing without the delusions and paranoia of schizophrenia, to be fully ready to leave a board and care environment.  I've been continually been asked for the past year or so by other residents, staff, doctor, therapist, and parents who all wonder if I am actually all right to live on my own or temporarily with my parents.  I have to say I am getting better with passing feelings of vague paranoia, enough so, that I can now seriously ponder where I should start my search for employment again.

I have been given all the time in the world due to the Social Security disability and supplemental checks I receive every month from the Government and I am now realizing I should do a better job of finding out where exactly I get my money from whether it is the State or the Federal Division of the Government.  But that's another task I have to work on, plus I'm not even sure if I am even using the words "Government," "State," and "Federal Division" correctly.  I wish I had some of the drive I had in graduate school to motivate myself and imperatively research this information out.  Alas, I was definitely not the best graduate student and my research skills have gone down considerably from the small amount I had when I was still in school. 

The thing is, my Master's degree was in a very specialized field which pretty much makes it a waste of time to even try other fields of employment to find a job as I spent a lot of money to go back to school after a few years from graduating with my Bachelor's. 

This whole event of my life living at a board and care for two years now has completely taken over my life and all activities I semi-studiously attempted during school are now long forgotton memories for me.  The best I can do is to continue to read as much as I can and write whatever I am able to type up on the Internet or do longhand in a notebook, so all the money spent on education doesn't go to a complete waste.  I sometimes feel as if all my education was done only to put me in a heap of debt and to become an inveterate consumer of movies, books, and music all to cater to my pretentions of being able to decipher all that information with greater significance than mere consumption purposes because I have degrees from the university.  And I do do that.  Which is thinking I am making myself smarter by reading, watching, and listening to "art" and "literature."  It would probably save me more money to simply buy an issue of the New Yorker once a month instead of spending my paltry Social Security savings on novels, DVDs, and CDs.

But my tastes on many interests have changed significantly since I've been in school.  For one thing, I am stuck on Korean dramas and movies and the only interest I did have (which is anime) is the only thing I've carried with me from my school days.  However I have seriously gone back to American and British novelised fiction, which I had previously been burned out from after my undergraduate days, for reasons I am sort of embarrassed to admit.  The reason being I grew to have many reservations about inculcating myself with "Western" civilization, culture, and literature after my undergraduate days in the university, which probably made me more of a rascist than I cared to admit. 

It is ridiculous for me to reject supposedly "White" culture just because I am Korean... an American born Korean.  And it is really strange for me to believe that I am actually as Korean as a South Korean male who was born in South Korea, went to school in Korea, and served the mandatory two years of military service required of all male citizens in South Korea.  I had many problems with that, which may not seem much to other people who can't really see all the delusions I had in my head or suffered from, but believe you me, I was heading into a nowhere zone where these huge hangups of being a Korean living in America were ending up with me being unemployed, homeless, and mentally incapacitated just so I could rid myself of my Americanism and reject everything I had been taught while growing up.

There is plenty more where all that I just typed came from, but I'll leave the rest for later.  To sum up for today however, I am now happily borrowing as much as I can from the public library, specifically seeking authors of novels who are American born or British born, and eschewing anybody else who might have had their foreign language translated into English so US citizens can read or enjoy works from foreigners.  Heh.

Just kidding.  I think all people should be able to read any works from other countries even if they are foreign born.  Just like in the mocudrama "Spinal Tap," I believe everyone is my brother.  sort of.  in a way. but not really. 

Except for Joseph Conrad and Vladimir Nabokov, as they took the time to fully understand and excel in the English language to write novels without having to need a translator to edit their books from a foreign language.  That is because English is the best language in the world of course and any other language is gibberish.  Except for Korean.  Because I am still considered a Korean-American. 

See?  I've fixed my prejudices and racism! 

But in all seriousness, this is another post to my eventual rocket scientist researcher who will happen to chance upon my blog in the next one hundred years or so and decide to bring me into the future through time travelling techniques heretofore never before heard of or imagined, just because he thought my Xanga blog was that frickin' great!

helloooooooooo los angeles!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to push myself harder than I am used to living out each day of my life for the past two years.  Just some more exertion to achieve and accomplish activities that should be by this time routine for me.  These include exercising, studying, and consuming entertainment, all of which are very familiar to me, and I should know the level of participation in each of these activities required to be able to consider my efforts significant or worthwhile.  Jogging, reading, writing, praying, and a few other activities need to be done with greater motivation if I am to be able to reap the benefits of these and other activities so I may see improvement in my strength, fitness, concentration, and drive.  Pushing myself will require me to have strong willpower to control and exert myself in the direction of greater ability and longevity.

I don't know if I can begin working a minimum wage part-time job again after my rehabilitation time is over and it is time for me to test the waters of emploment in the South Bay area of Los Angeles.  If I maintain a steady pressure of concerted effort in my current daily activities and consumption of information whatever the form of media it may be, I know I will have the drive to put my best foot forward even though my return to the employment world will be quite humble indeed as an entry level cook, or merchandiser in a department store or pharmacy.  The point though should always be that I am not necessarily what I am doing for an occupation, but I am what I do in the time off I have from work during my leisure hours.  I will never be paid to be a researcher or writer, yet this should not hinder me from wanting to have inclinations toward those pursuits as I do have some education and some predisposition towards literary subjects, at the very least (I do hope).

In the meantime, I will definitely need to tap into an inner strength which I believe to be motivated by a Higher Power, and God is who I rely on to give me the sense of purpose and drive to move forward each day.  I don't think I have been exactly moving forward as of lately, but each and every day I do try to do better than I have ever done before.  Organization is the key, and this must be manifested through perceptions and techniques tailored to gaining the maximum potential from my waking hours in the activities that matter the most to me, which includes reading, writing, and meditating.  All of these can be for God, or they may not, and I hope that does not matter where the momentary inspiration comes from to push me to pursue an activity, as long as in the end, I know I am living to be used by God.

Every day has its difficulties however, and I know it may be illogical for my train of thought to always include God especially when I am not in the right mood.  But I am definitely trying to push myself harder, faster, stronger, and better and if it does fail to be ultimate expressions of my love for God, at least I do know where I come from, which is the overriding power of the Universe, of which it can be generally called as "Him" or the "Higher Power."

Pushing myself each and every moment.  To be fully aware as I can be of what is going on socially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physcially.  Awareness to use information I receive through perception to keep pushing forward.  I'll probably never get paid to do what I truly want to do with my life... afterall at the end of my experiences up to this point, I've had more fun in my retail jobs than any of my short stints in the white collar work world.

Since lunch time I have been out trekking through the city by bus and keeping up appointments.  All that is through now and I am at the library spending time on the Internet and browsing through books to borrow.  I'm getting rather proficient using the bus system now and today was the first time I used the bus to reach the library.  Actually, I've been traveling pretty far from home all afternoon and I needed to use the bus to make it to the library out of necessity.  If I didn't, I would have been walking, sweating, and starving for several hours on end as I have no car or even a bicycle to transport myself.  All my appointments went well today and it is time to relax until the evening when I decide to either walk the rest of the five or so miles or use the bus again one more time. 

The bus transit system is pretty well designed in the South Bay area of Los Angeles and I used two separate bus lines with ease to reach my appointment up north from where I live and to get to the library in Carson, which is east.  During the process of traveling by bus for over two hours today, I've been smoking cigarettes quite often at each stop I got off on and the count of smoking sticks I have consumed is steadily rising today.  But enough of my smoking habits right now.  I will get back to that again in a future post when I have sufficiently cut down or quit.  I have some other things on my mind.

In about an hour, I will be eating a hamburger at the charbroiled joint by my home and sipping the cold Coca-Cola will be quite the enjoyment after not having a drink of any fluids since about noon today.  I've been planning this long bus trip day for the past week and I was looking forward to spening the entire day outside going about on business and errands.  It seems I might have planned too well as everything is going according to schedule and I am now worried about tomorrow where I do not have anything else to do except read and write.  Something to look forward to I guess; relaxing when many others in this world are out working, so I should have no complaints. 

That reminds me of something I have to do at home... I will return with another post soon, I hope.  Seeing as how my Internet time is quite limited nowadays, I don't have the luxury of looking up Xanga every single day.  Things are changing for me though--I can feel the slightest movements of transitions in my life.  Someday I'll look back on my Xanga and it will remind me how different my days turned out than I expected, but it's all the same in the long run.

I keep laughing to myself sometimes when I am alone in my room, when my roomate is out doing his business elsewhere, and it is not yet mealtime rush for either breakfast, lunch, or dinner.  These are quiet moments and even though I cannot really help myself in finding more independent means of lifestyle or livelihood at this point in time, I feel I must be satisfied with how I am living now lest I fall into a foul mood complaining to no one who will listen all that is seemingly wrong with my life.  That is not the case however...  my life does not really have anything that is unprovided for or suffering under a lack of basic necessities.  I am living comfortably (very) and I truly have no reason to complain, except for minimal levels of independence due to the recovery and rehabilitation situation I am currently residing in. 

But what is a diminished sense of independence if I do not have to be working at this time to support myself?  I have no need to complain (as I say again) and I can get as many cigarettes and sodas as I want, if I so choose to do so.  Alcohol is another issue where I cannot be consuming on the premises of the facility I am living in...  but that does not bother me.  It seems to be that I've traded nicotine for alcohol, and soon enough I'm going to be giving up nicotine too. 

When I laugh to myself all alone in my room, it is simply for the fact that I don't have to earn a living at all, and I still get all the entertainment and leisure as I want without have to lift a single briefcase, backpack, or punch in and out to get an hourly salary.  I don't have to do anything of the sort and I get to have everything leisurely sorted. 

One major luxury I have with all the free time I have is to read one book after another without worrying about preparing my next meal.  All I have to worry about is stepping outside my room for a smoke out in the patio, or sticking a dollar bill into the vending machine for a Coca-cola or a bottled water.  The only cause for worry I suppose is my smoking habit, which is almost once per hour, amounting to about 3/4th of a pack a day.  That is seriously my biggest concern!  Quitting smoking!  Not a wife, or a baby, not making any quotas, reports, or commissions... not anything at all.  Plus I don't even worry about paying off monthly bills.  All this will eventually come back, when I choose to live a regular employed and social life, but I don't need to rush. 

The only thing I need to keep in mind is that I am doing all right, right now, and I don't need to stress.  So I will and can continue to laugh while being alone in my room with no one to bother me.

Is it possible to actually write out my own future beforehand in text, whether it is on an Internet blogging site or at the privacy of my own home with a notepad and a pen?  If I continue to write about my hopes and desires and what I want to accomplish, will it eventually come true?  I believe writing out my future would be better done on the Internet through a web log site as this way there is a chance for the writing to be preserved well into the next decades and more if the blogging website continues to maintain itself and run properly saving all that people post up on their sites.  If by some chance Xanga.com preserves these writings and more well into the next century, will it be possible for some future generation to peer at what I have posted on the Internet along with millions of other people who participate in internet blogging?

Is there even a further chance that by the time these writings and posts are eventually rediscovered sometime in the Year 3000, that there might be a chance time travelling will have been discovered?  If I post tonight that I wish to be brought into the future by someone in the distant future who happens to chance upon my blog (reanimated_wonsoongee), will that person perhaps try to reach me in some medium or form and tell me that I have been contacted through the time stream into the Year 3000?  Does it even matter for me to travel into the Year 3000, if my blog still exists by that time? 

Who knows about all these things, but I want to write out a future about myself where I am doing amazing things documenting the present in a multitude of frames and mindsets somehow encapsulating them all into a coherent and imaginative explanation of what I am experiencing and reproducing them all on this weblog site, so that in the future, some person interested in the first quarter of the 21st century may want to decipher and add to what has been posted during this present time and decade using technologies very capable of reproducing in a museum display or a diorama all that goes on in and around the year 2011 AD.  And when the people who have recreated the year 2011 in a museum piece in the year 3000, maybe the museum curators can send back some info to me in this present time of writing so I may know and feel slightly good of myself for adding to the research of the first quarter of the 21st century in the Greater Los Angeles Area in sunny southern California, USA. 

And then I may be able to sleep a bit better at night knowing I at least put some of my heart into this lovely city of Torrance, California and represented it on the Internet in the Year 2011 AD.

It has occurred to me I may not be doing what I am supposed to be doing throughout my days and nights for the past few months, or maybe since the beginning of the year.  In that case, what am I supposed to be doing?  I'm waking up later than usual, taking my time reading through novels and criticism I borrow from the library, I go jogging after a late lunch in mid afternoon, and then I lazily listen to the AM radio or to music CDs until I turn in to bed around ten or eleven at night.  This is pretty much my dream life realized as of now, so why should I not continue going on in this way as I have been doing for the past year? 

What am I supposed to be doing?  Well, I do feel as if I am cheating the government by receiving disability checks when I am no longer truly disabled (which is a good thing), but I really have no other opportunities right now to help support me otherwise.  Perhaps I am still disabled and may be permanently prevented from ever seeking employment again... but that's just lazy wishful thinking.

So I have a problem where I cannot truly enjoy my time of rehabilitation without thoughts that I am not moving forward in life with the rest of society, where I am instead holeing up in my boarding room and only coming out for meals and cigarette breaks...  and what I just typed seems to be what my problem is...  which is my life is virtually on standby and has been on standby for quite some time now. 

Bah.  I think I will just stick to pushing myself to enjoy my rehabilitation without any worries about the rest of society.  Even though I am living in the thick of a large metropolis, let me alone in my solitude, Society, and let me have my kicks.  For now, at least.

There is much I am missing out on life when I consider my lethargic ways and lazy manners.  It would be wonderful to have a sense of purpose where I am waking each and every day ready to take on new experiences and tasks in which I have never participated in before.  However life is a steadily progressing process with events and changes taking time to occur, and throughout the waiting periods, I am left with the work I have been working on for the past year or so--something that is very familiar to me and something that I am beginning to get to know quite well.  Because of the familiarity, my lazier behavior seems to take advantage of my situation of waiting for a new event to take place... to take me away from all the familiarity.  Which seems to me now something coming out of daydreams and fantasies better left to young romantic people or novelists. 

As for me, there must be a determination to not let the thought that life is passing me by affect me to the point of slowing my progress down.  I must keep up faith to provide for myself each morning I wake up with a distinct goal to complete or finish without letting the day grow old without having accomplished anything, even if it is a task I have repeatedly completed many times before.  For it is the persistence and repetition I put into my work which will train me to build memory, character, and determination.  And this is a purpose in itself.

Just because I am familiar with the tasks of the day does not mean there is nothing new to learn from it or that it lacks purpose in my life.  I simply need to plough through each day, all day long, with fire in my heart for a better future.  If I lay aside my laziness and plough on, how can I not in the end of the day be better off than I was at the start? 

Building character takes time, and it takes time to change the sceneries of living situations.  So if I'm lucky enough, everything will fall into place, with changes in life coming in at the right point in time when I have most consistently bolstered my character with inspired persistence.